Monthly Archives: July 2016

Pontius Pilot – Was he suffering from the Bystander effect?

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Over the past few weeks, I’ve been ruminating on what it would look like to demonstrate love when witnessing another person being harmed (e.g. by terrorism, racism, sexism, a criminal act, or a serious accident). Of particular concern was a post I read on Facebook where a person was experiencing a significant racist verbal attack. Several people witnessed the berating incident, but did not intervene. The victim of the attack left the experience feeling abandoned and unsure whether all the bystanders condoned the attacker’s behavior.

Brother'sKeeper

Source: Yahoo Images

While I mulled this post over in my head I wrestled with the short and long term consequences of what effectively were people suffering from the Bystander effect. As is usually my process I decided to seek some examples from the life of Jesus. It occurred to me that his death may have been the ultimate example of the Bystander effect; of course the phrase was coined.

According to the Gospels, Pontius Pilot effectively did not find a reason to execute Jesus. To help the people calling for his crucifixion to be reasonable, he suggested that one prisoner be set free (this was a typical good will gesture from the Romans during Passover). He assumed the crowd would set Jesus free since the other option was to free a known murderer. To his dismay, the crowd demanded that he crucify Jesus! Although he could not believe their choice, he followed through with the crucifixion.

I wonder if we ourselves are guilty of the Bystander effect. Have you ever examined a situation, knew the right thing to do, but failed to act because you thought someone else would? Or, you were worried about how you would be perceived for coming to the aid of a victim? How to you reconcile in your heart, the abandonment you cause when you fail to answer humanity’s call?

Of course we should protect ourselves from dangerous situations. However, action is required for us to show LOVE and continue to move our world forward. We can do this by examining the views and values that are dear to us. We need to prepare ourselves to join others in action to drive out behaviors and attitudes that do not reflect the highest form of our humanity. The great thing about being ready for action is that more often than not, our action is simply a word of support; not some life threatening mission we must carry out.

Be ready to provide kind words and support for another person being devalued. On that note, this week’s sound track is “Brother’s Keeper” by Indie Arie, because we are called to be our brother’s keeper.

Until next week,

Pernà

Totally random topics, but LOVE is still in the mix!

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This past week my attention was captured by a random mix of topics. LOVE permeated each theme… love for God, love for self, love for others, and love for our nation.

  • I fell in love with Mother Teresa! I watched the move The Letters: The Untold Story of Mother Teresa. I so admire a courageous woman who heeds the call of God on her life. Her ministry to the poor was a beautiful commitment that helped to demonstrate the best of who we can be. She did all of this in excellence; despite battling feelings of abandonment (major lesson here that we must examine). Although she was a deeply spiritual woman, she also knew how to laugh. Do you see the humor in this passage from the book Mother Teresa: Come Be My Light?
    • “Do not think that my spiritual life is strewn with roses – that is the flower which I hardly ever find on my way. Quite the contrary, I have more often as my companion “darkness.” And when the night becomes very thick – and it seems to me as if I will end up in hell – then I simply offer myself to Jesus. If He wants me to go there – I am ready – but only under the condition that it really makes Him happy. I need much grace, much of Christ’s strength to persevere in trust, in that blind love which leads only to Jesus Crucified. But I am happy – yes happier than ever. And I would not wish at any price to give up my sufferings. But do not, however, think that I am only suffering. Ah no – I am laughing…”

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Source: Yahoo Images

  • I’m learning to paint! Following the practicing mind concept, I show up at the easel and just paint. Sometimes following instructions from TheARTsherpa, using a photo inspiration, or just choosing colors and painting whatever comes. I know I need many million more hours of practice, but I’m not afraid to share my journey with you. Take a look:Painting
  • Politics! Politics! Politics! That’s about as much as I want to say about the 2016 Presidential election. Please take the time to think through and vote for the best candidate to continue our human evolution; versus our devolution (is that a word???).

On that note, our soundtrack for the week is “Shout to the Lord” ‘cause we are going to need him to guide us through this election season.

Until next week,

Pernà

Faith, Hope, Love…The Greatest of these is LOVE!

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“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy…rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.” 1 Corinthians 13:4-13, NIV

Every day is an opportunity to choose a LOVING path forward. I must admit that this past week was another difficult one for me. The decisions and actions of those around me have the ability to impact my view of the world greatly. To come to terms with these decisions, this weekend I headed to our little craftsman cottage on Galveston Island. This place is a real sanctuary for grappling with forks in the road. I mean, what is it about a porch with a swing and rocking chair that brings clarity of mind?

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Source: https://www.pinterest.com/pin/19210735888128105/

During my prayer and meditation over the events of last week, I wrestled with a few questions:

  • How can we open our minds and hearts to embrace others when we know that we are all working towards the same goal (of creating a quality product)?
  • How can we learn to appreciate differences and allow these differences to help us to make more robust decisions (to create a quality product)?
  • How can we remove our expectations that ‘they’ need to change to fit ‘our’ idea of the ‘standard’ to create a more inclusive standard (to create a quality product)?

Let me be clear that, ‘a quality product’, in this case is any outcome that we are seeking that requires collaboration and effort by a group of people. In some cases the product is a society which is tolerant of diversity. In other cases, it may be a school which successfully educates and nurtures a diverse population of students. You get my point; right?

When I pondered the questions above in the context just mentioned, the following responses came to me:

  • How can we open our minds and hearts to embrace others when we know that we are all working towards the same goal (of creating a quality product)?

We can make progress by first ensuring that we are working towards the same goal. Sometimes this is as simple as restating the goal and getting everyone to agree that we are indeed working for the same end result; oftentimes we really are not. From here, we can agree to focus on the process we will use to accomplish the goal. Typically, this is where the diversity of thought comes in; because you can make a great product in so many different ways. Since we now know the work is to figure out the process we will use to achieve our goal; we may need to have sessions where we solicit process options, short list the best options, and then make a decision on which we will practice to accomplish our shared goal. Remember we learned from Thomas Sterner that practice makes perfect. We must Do, Observe, and Correct; making changes as necessary to improve our ability to practice. This is the best way to ensure that we will get our desired product.

  • How can we learn to appreciate differences and allow these differences to help us to make more robust decisions (to create a quality product)?

Now this is a tough question because appreciating differences is heavily influenced by how we have been socialized from childhood. Once again the idea from The Practicing Mind of adopting a beginner’s mind is a great approach. If we can approach the ‘new or different’ as a novice with no preconceived notions or let go of our stereotypes, we can be open to learning how a ‘new or different’ approach might be helpful in creating a better product.

  • How can we remove our expectations that ‘they’ need to change to fit ‘our’ idea of the ‘standard’ in order for us to create a more inclusive standard (to create a quality product)?

One of the most fascinating parts of living in a global community is learning how to embrace the awesome attributes that come from cultures different from our own. For example, who knew you could make ‘crepes’ from lentils and rice flour? This has become such a big help for me as I am embracing a gluten free mostly veggie diet. I would never have known I would have this option if I was not open to including a dear woman from India in my intimate circle. My life has been richly blessed by the love, grace, and nutrition she has shared with me and my family. This is such a simple, but profound example of how being open to establishing ‘new or different’ ways of doing things will allow us to adapt what was a standard for us into a more robust standard which includes others.

When I step back and take a bird’s eye view of the three questions. I must admit that the unnamed ingredient, to support responding to each of these questions, is LOVE. In order for us to be willing to have an open mind, to embrace new or different people and ideas, or to expand our standards we must have FAITH, HOPE, and LOVE. Without LOVE, all of these actions may seem an overwhelming challenge that is too great to attempt.

For your listening pleasure, I’ve created a little LOVE playlist to encourage you to give and receive love in the four categories we discussed in our love languages post. I hope you can appreciate the eclectic mix!

Agape (Divine) Love – I Could Sing of Your Love Forever by Hillsong

 

Storge (Family) Love – We Are Family – Ice Age 4 Sound Track

 

Philia (Friendship) Love – You Raise Me Up by Josh Grobin

 

Eros (Romantic) Love – Crazy Love by Brian McKnight

Until next week,

Pernà

 

Love Wins!

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“If I cannot do GREAT things, I can do SMALL things in a GREAT WAY” Martin Luther King Jr.

This past week was a crazy mix of extreme joy and extreme pain. My family and I were enjoying a great staycation; spending quality time together and taking care of some much needed house cleaning. We were in the middle of so much joy when we learned of several devastating incidents that tapped into our national wound; racism.

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Source: Yahoo Link

Basically, two police incidents were caught on video and in both cases two black men were shot and killed. From the videos it appeared that the shootings were unnecessary. In retaliation another shooting incident was carried out by a black man against what he perceived were eleven white officers; killing five and wounding six. There was much debate and speculation regarding the motivations of all three incidents. Personally, I was deeply saddened both by the shootings and some of the rhetoric surrounding the incidents. It left me wondering; how we can heal our national wound which runs so deep and manifests in so many different ways?

In my quest to find personal peace and consolation, I’ve decided to follow these four practices as often as I can:

Think globally, but act locally. While it is always tempting to want to solve a problem in the broadest way, sometimes it works best to start close to home and within your own sphere of influence. Of course every few centuries a Martin Luther King or Mother Teresa is born with a mission so big they impact the world. For the rest of us, we can commit to living our lives with an open heart. We can improve the world by serving within our families, work environments, and communities.

Practice and teach patience, forgiveness, inclusion, and understanding. As a mother I am often called to exhibit these virtues while loving and caring for my family. Most times, I am the teacher, but at times I’m the student. I specifically remember showing concern when my daughter was assigned to share a room with a self-identified lesbian for a school event. When we discussed it, my daughter proceeded to educate me on the fact that being a lesbian was not contagious and that she had actually participated in ensuring this girl was assigned in a room where she would feel included. I was proud of the fact that despite my hesitation, she was practicing the right principles and I let her know that I appreciated being reminded of the need to show love and acceptance. It is definitely what Jesus would do and how I would want to be treated.

Prepare my children and those in my circle to practice self-respect, respect for authority, and situational awareness. Based on the incidents over the past week, I think it’s time to remind the children and young adults in my circle to be aware of how they carry themselves when dealing with the police and people in positions of authority. While I recognize how an incident plays out may not be completely up to them; however, it can increase the likelihood that they are successful in deescalating a stressful situation.

Practice LOVE not fear (…drops the mic…no more words needed…)

I’ve selected India Arie’s “Brother’s Keeper” for this week’s sound track as I believe we should all hold space for each other everyday and especially during difficult times.

Until next week,

Pernà

Happy 16th Birthday JD! Happy 240th Birthday USA!

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I’m posting my birthday wishes early. July 4th is the 240th birthday of the Declaration of Independence of the USA and it’s the 16th of my wonderful son.

JD is a very special child. In addition to being born on the fourth of July, he is a Y2K baby. He has brought so much love and joy into our lives. I am thankful to have been chosen to be his mother. I think I speak for his friends and family when I say that being in his presence is experiencing God’s peace and love.

He is so much fun and his enthusiasm for life is hard to contain. Take a look at the joy he displayed today during cake time…

Birthday Party Fun!

Celebrating an Independence birthday would not be complete without listening to “Born in the USA” by the boss. Take a listen…

Back to our staycation currently in progress…

Until next week,

Pernà