Uniquely You

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In last week’s inaugural post we examined several types of Love and hinted at a key commitment that is needed to make all that love possible.  Loving and accepting our own self is crucial to fully experiencing love with another.

Unique
Who knows, you might just get lucky and find a cup of nectar waiting just for you!

For many years I really did not get this concept and frankly did not embrace it. I suppressed many of my quirky interests in order to make myself more loveable to others. Suffice it to say, that I’ve lived long enough to realize that hiding key parts of myself limits my own joy. Today, I know that full expression helps to attract people that  will be most nurturing to me and those who will benefit most from my unique personality. Remember the anonymous quote, “…those who matter don’t mind, and those who mind don’t matter…?” Well, it rings true when we are working to be authentic and to surround ourselves with people who can walk with us through our life’s journey.

Learning to embrace your uniqueness and your membership in community at the same time can be quite a daunting task. Some of us wonder why we were ‘born this way’ or why we are drawn to particular interests. What I’ve learned in my journey is that my unique attributes are the perfect opportunity for me to commune with God. There are some roads that we must travel alone. However these experiences can be our most intimate moments with God; sometimes expressed simply as a strong knowing that we are not alone. This communion helps us to successfully navigate the best way to fully express our gratitude or deepest sadness. Time alone prepares us to reconnect to ourselves; to know who we are and what we need to be filled up with purpose and joy.

Celebrating community is also necessary for the nurturing of our individual self. It is in these opportunities that we understand our fit in the creation story. I’m a big “hero’s journey” fan. I believe there is a ‘you-sized’ mission that is required in creation and if you are unwilling to fulfill it, this mission goes unfulfilled. One of my favorite cousins shared a post on Facebook that went something like this, “…God looked around his creation and saw that something was missing…and he created you…” (author unknown).  Contributing our gifts within the community is a wonderful way to fulfill our need to feel included in the progress of humanity.

Balancing investments in our individual and community needs is required in order for us to live more vibrantly. Each of us will express ourselves differently and long to be fully accepted by those who are closest to us. As I’ve alluded to in this post, I can be a bit quirky myself; particularly in my music choices. Let me share what I mean.

When I’m wondering who I am to God and his character towards me, I listen to LaShaun’s arrangement of “Faithful God”.

 

I recently found Omar’s cover of Adele’s “Hello”.  It expresses how I feel about the grace I’ve been given to do this thing better every day.

 

When I feel like I can be the hero in my journey, I listen to Nicki and Rihanna’s “Fly”.

 

Need I say more? Love yourself just as you are.  While you are working towards more self love, offer your unique gifts to the community and you will be on your way to a more fulfilling journey.  You go hero!

Until next week,

Pernà

Happy Valentine’s Day

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For the inaugural post here at The Love Chronicles, it seems fitting to examine the topic of Love on Valentine’s Day. Happy Valentine’s Day all you lovers!

Perna_Jonathan
Happy Valentine’s Day to my wonderful husband! Love him!

Historically, in Greek culture, four love relationships were identified: Storge (family), Philia (friendship), Eros (romantic), and Agape (Divine).  Let’s examine each of these types of love.

Our first experiences with love come from our care givers and family members.  We develop Storge (family) love for those who provide our basic needs and nurture us through to adulthood. During our early childhood we may adore our parents and care givers only to think they came from outer space when we reach adolescence.  Once we reach adulthood we learn to appreciate just how wonderfully we were nurtured and loved by our parents; even if they made some serious mistakes parenting us.  The point is that we quickly come to learn that personal mistakes are most often a result of a lack of commitment to self-development as opposed to a lack of commitment to our beloved.  What have you learned about love through your family relationships?

What we learn in our family relationships can help to prepare us for relating to others.  It’s important to reflect on the strengths and deficiencies of these relationships so that we can develop healthy Philia (friendship) and Eros (romantic) relationships.  Many of our first friendships are further development of our family relationships.  For me, the term ‘cousin-sister’ or ‘cousin-brother’ expresses the deep friendships I’ve developed with some of my favorite cousins.  Other friendships may have developed during our educational years to help us build a community to support our unique personality.   My best friend from kindergarten has been a very close confident for over 40 years.  Knowing I can count on her to speak the truth in love to me is very comforting.  Do you have a close friend that has celebrated the good times and shared the load of the difficult times?

When we begin developing Eros (romantic) relationships, the foundation for relating to others has already been set.  We learn what brings us pleasure and often work to bring joy and fulfillment to our beloved.  Once the honeymoon phase of the relationship wanes, we often realize that we have to invest in making love work for both partners.  Determining how best to do this work is the couple’s unique journey. Gary Chapman’s 5 Love Languages assessment is a great tool to discover the best way to express love between you and your partner.  Knowing how you receive love best (e.g. through words or acts of service); will help your partner communicate more effectively with you.  We often give love the way we want to receive it. This has the potential to cause real disconnect. I’ve learned that offering ‘words of affirmation’ light me up.  How do you prefer to receive love?

The highest form of love is Agape love. It is the type of love that invests and expects nothing in return.  Many people believe Agape love has been demonstrated to us through God’s commitment to creation. Having the ability to seek the best in and for another when they have failed us takes real maturity.  Learning how to offer the same love to ourselves is a requirement to ensure that we are not misunderstanding what it means to participate in Agape love.  In other words, it does not mean we are to put ourselves in abusive or neglectful situations to express love.  Agape love is the kind of love that fully accepts us despite our flaws and insecurities.  It is this kind of love that helps us to strive to overcome our shortcomings.  Is there a person in your life who demonstrates Agape love towards you?

In reviewing these love types, it’s clear that the more diverse our love experiences are, the more fulfilling our lives can be.  I will leave you with a quote from Dr. Leo.

 “You can be a follower of Muhammad or Jesus or Buddha or whomever. Always, they said that the most essential factor is to love your neighbor. And to love you.” — Leo Buscaglia

Please let us know your thoughts about this week’s topic by  commenting on the post.

Pernà