For the inaugural post here at The Love Chronicles, it seems fitting to examine the topic of Love on Valentine’s Day. Happy Valentine’s Day all you lovers!
Historically, in Greek culture, four love relationships were identified: Storge (family), Philia (friendship), Eros (romantic), and Agape (Divine). Let’s examine each of these types of love.
Our first experiences with love come from our care givers and family members. We develop Storge (family) love for those who provide our basic needs and nurture us through to adulthood. During our early childhood we may adore our parents and care givers only to think they came from outer space when we reach adolescence. Once we reach adulthood we learn to appreciate just how wonderfully we were nurtured and loved by our parents; even if they made some serious mistakes parenting us. The point is that we quickly come to learn that personal mistakes are most often a result of a lack of commitment to self-development as opposed to a lack of commitment to our beloved. What have you learned about love through your family relationships?
What we learn in our family relationships can help to prepare us for relating to others. It’s important to reflect on the strengths and deficiencies of these relationships so that we can develop healthy Philia (friendship) and Eros (romantic) relationships. Many of our first friendships are further development of our family relationships. For me, the term ‘cousin-sister’ or ‘cousin-brother’ expresses the deep friendships I’ve developed with some of my favorite cousins. Other friendships may have developed during our educational years to help us build a community to support our unique personality. My best friend from kindergarten has been a very close confident for over 40 years. Knowing I can count on her to speak the truth in love to me is very comforting. Do you have a close friend that has celebrated the good times and shared the load of the difficult times?
When we begin developing Eros (romantic) relationships, the foundation for relating to others has already been set. We learn what brings us pleasure and often work to bring joy and fulfillment to our beloved. Once the honeymoon phase of the relationship wanes, we often realize that we have to invest in making love work for both partners. Determining how best to do this work is the couple’s unique journey. Gary Chapman’s 5 Love Languages assessment is a great tool to discover the best way to express love between you and your partner. Knowing how you receive love best (e.g. through words or acts of service); will help your partner communicate more effectively with you. We often give love the way we want to receive it. This has the potential to cause real disconnect. I’ve learned that offering ‘words of affirmation’ light me up. How do you prefer to receive love?
The highest form of love is Agape love. It is the type of love that invests and expects nothing in return. Many people believe Agape love has been demonstrated to us through God’s commitment to creation. Having the ability to seek the best in and for another when they have failed us takes real maturity. Learning how to offer the same love to ourselves is a requirement to ensure that we are not misunderstanding what it means to participate in Agape love. In other words, it does not mean we are to put ourselves in abusive or neglectful situations to express love. Agape love is the kind of love that fully accepts us despite our flaws and insecurities. It is this kind of love that helps us to strive to overcome our shortcomings. Is there a person in your life who demonstrates Agape love towards you?
In reviewing these love types, it’s clear that the more diverse our love experiences are, the more fulfilling our lives can be. I will leave you with a quote from Dr. Leo.
“You can be a follower of Muhammad or Jesus or Buddha or whomever. Always, they said that the most essential factor is to love your neighbor. And to love you.” — Leo Buscaglia
Please let us know your thoughts about this week’s topic by commenting on the post.
Great opening on a day were we celebrate Love. I learned something new from this inaugural post which was pleasantly unexpected. I imagine that you will be showing me new things in the posts to come so I’m excited about the direction you’re taking us.
Good Luck
-G14